Post by TheLostGamer on Feb 27, 2005 7:40:08 GMT 1
Preface: There are some questions that people would like to have answered. Questions like “What is the Base?” and “Why was President Bush in New Hampshire last week?” A person might stay up all night, trying, in vain, to figure out the answer. I decided to take one of those questions (“What would happen if Ivy went on ‘The Dating Game’?”) and write out the story to answer it. Enjoy!
Tom: Hello everyone and welcome to...“The Dating Game”! I’m Tom Bradov, and I’ll be your host tonight! Now, we have three bachelors here, all waiting for a chance to date our lovely bachelorette! Let’s meet them now! They are...Pike Nighttrap!
Pike: Hello, Tom!
Tom: Genox!
Genox: I’ve always dreamed of being on this show!
Tom: And...Sawma!
Sawma: Remember that name, please!
Tom: Now, are you three all ready to be on “The Dating Game”?
Pike, Genox and Sawma: Yes!
Tom: Okay, now you three leave stage right while we bring on the bachelorette! None of you are allowed to catch a glimpse of her before we make the final date!
Pike, Genox and Sawma: Okay!
Pike, Genox and Sawma exit.
Tom: And here’s our lovely bachelorette...Ivy!
Ivy comes in, waving to the crowd.
Tom: Ivy, are you glad to be here?
Ivy: I sure am, Tom, I love this show!
Tom: Let’s hope you can find love on this show!
Ivy: I sure hope so! Are the bachelors cute?
Tom: (laughs) Well, you know the rules! You don’t get to see the bachelors or learn their names before you pick one of them to date!
Ivy: I know that, Tom. I just felt like asking anyway!
Tom: (laughs) Ivy, you are a card! Take your seat and we’ll bring the bachelors back in to sit in their seats and then we’ll get started, okay?
Ivy: Okay, Tom!
Tom: Okay! Everyone, take your seats!
Pike, Genox and Sawma come back in and take their seats while Ivy takes her seat. While this is happening, Tom whispers a tantalizing secret to the audience.
Tom: Ladies and gentlemen, I forgot to mention that our bachelorette Ivy here is a Gate Guardian! And this is important because all the bachelors are CIMA!
Audience: Ooooo...
Tom: Ooooo is right, friends! That should make the date very interesting, you agree?
Audience: (cheers)
Tom: But don’t let them know about it, okay?
Audience: Okay!
Tom: All right, bachelors, are you all ready in your seats?
Pike: We sure are, Tom!
Genox: I’m as ready as I’ll ever be!
Sawma: Let’s get this party started!
Tom: And bachelorette, are you ready in your seat?
Ivy: You bet, Tom!
Tom: Then let’s start...“THE DATING GAME”! First off, let’s let our contestants learn a little about each other! Bachelors, our bachelorette is a blue-haired beauty who has recently finished schooling! She likes hair ribbons, strong men and little children, while she doesn’t like kidnapping, crybabies and amateurs! Sounds good, right, bachelors?
Pike and Sawma nod. Genox grimaces.
Tom: Uh oh, I don’t think Bachelor Number Two likes the sound of that!
Audience: (laughs)
Tom: What don’t you like about that, Bachelor Number Two?
Genox: Well, I’m not so sure I can fill up to her strong man expectations!
Audience: (laughs)
Genox: I spend a lot of my time reading storybooks, not working out!
Tom: (laughs) You’re a funny man, Bachelor Number Two! Maybe that will be good enough for our bachelorette!
Genox: Oh, goody!
Tom: (laughs) Well, we’ll have to see! Now let’s talk about Bachelor Number One. He’s a one-eyed rascal who enjoys bridges, flying, and majesties! He doesn’t like surfing, haircuts, or sneaky employees!
Pike: Don’t forget the guy who took my eye!
Tom: Yes, he also doesn’t like the person who took out his eye!
Audience: (laughs)
Tom: Bachelorette, how does that sound to you?
Ivy: Wait, you’re saying he’s missing an eye?
Everyone: (laughs)
Pike: I have an eyepatch to cover it up.
Ivy: Ooo, sounds piratey!
Everyone: (laughs)
Tom: Moving onto Bachelor Number Two...he’s got green, curly hair. He likes dragons, storybooks and making up difficult puzzles! He doesn’t like pine trees, ninjas, and cheaters! Let’s hope he’s not inclined to start cheating today!
Genox: (mischievously) I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind cheating and sneaking a look at the bachelorette...
Tom: (laughs) I think all the bachelors would like that, right?
Pike, Genox and Sawma: (nodding) Uh huh!
Audience: (laughs)
Tom: And our last bachelor is fighting man, who also has an eye that doesn’t work so well!
Ivy: Does he have an eyepatch, too?
Tom: No, he has a big scar going down the side of his face.
Ivy: Uh oh!
Tom: (laughs) He likes working out, using knives and the color white! He doesn’t like ballet, spiders, and wimps! Uh oh, this might be a problem, eh, Bachelor Number Two?
Genox: I sure hope it won’t be!
Audience: (laughs)
Tom: Okay, let’s get this game going! Bachelorette, please start asking some questions!
Ivy: Okay, Bachelor Number One, you said you had an eyepatch. Give me your best pirate impersonation!
Pike: Yar, give me yer booty, or I’ll kee-haul the lot of you!
Audience: (cheers)
Ivy: Bachelor Number Two, you said you liked reading books. If someone wrote a book about your life, what would it be called?
Genox: Um, “Green Hair, Floating Dreams”.
Ivy: Why would it be called that?
Genox: I don’t know!
Ivy: (laughs) Bachelor Number Three, if you could be a type of dip, what would you be and why?
Sawma: Well, gee, I don’t know it’s like to be a dip!
Audience: (laughs)
Sawma: But I guess I would have to go with hot sauce, because I’m hot and strong.
Audience: Oooooo!
Ivy: Whew, you’re making me burn up over here! Bachelor Number One, first off, I want to say I loved your pirate impersonation.
Pike: Yar!
Ivy: (laughs) If you were a teacher, what subject would you teach?
Pike: Actually, I do a little bit of combat teaching whenever I have to.
Ivy: Oh, that’s interesting. Maybe you could teach me a thing or two about fighting. Now, Bachelor Number Two, you seem more like a bookworm than a fighter. What would you do if you got in a fight with Bachelor Number One?
Pike: Lose, of course!
Audience: (laughs)
Genox: Let’s see...I’d probably...drop a book on his head!
Audience: (cheers)
Ivy: Sounds good to me! Bachelor Number Three, would you rather have a pet elephant or a pet gorilla?
Sawma: A gorilla!
Ivy: Why?
Genox: Because he looks like a gorilla!
Audience: (laughs)
Sawma: (impersonates a gorilla)
Ivy: (laughing) That’s great!
Tom: Okay, bachelorette, we’re down to the last three questions.
Ivy: Already?
Tom: Yes, three bachelors, three questions each.
Ivy: Fine. Bachelor Number One, if you took me out for pizza, what kind of pizza would you order?
Pike: Um, probably cheese...pepperoni...and extra pineapple.
Ivy: Pineapple?
Pike: Hey, fruit prevents scurvy!
Audience: (silence)
Ivy: Um...okay. Bachelor Number Two, if you could vacation in a foreign country, which one would it be?
Genox: Belganaf!
Ivy: That’s on Eenurd Continent, right?
Genox: Yeah, I’ve always wanted to go to Belganaf and see Miffibun, Hordanof and especially Scintilian.
Ivy: Sounds interesting. Bachelor Number Three, do you prefer chunky or smooth peanut butter?
Sawma: Smooth, definitely the smooth. I’m a smooth fellow.
Ivy: Hoo boy.
Tom: All right, you’ve interviewed our three bachelors. Which one do you want to date?
Ivy: Well, where would we go on a date?
Tom: I’m glad you asked, because the two of you are...GOING TO LA MUY EXPENSIVO RESTAURANTE!
Audience: Oooo!
Tom: It’s the fanciest Mexican food themed restaurant in the area. Now, which bachelor is going to go with you?
Ivy: I’ll have to go with...Bachelor Number Two!
Audience: (cheers)
Genox: Yes!
Tom: Before the two of you meet, why didn’t you pick the other bachelors?
Ivy: Well, I loved Bachelor Number One’s pirate thing, but he took it too far.
Pike: Yeah, I did take it too far...
Ivy: And Bachelor Number Three’s line about the smooth peanut butter was the dumbest line I’ve ever heard.
Tom: Sounds good. Bachelors One and Three, well, thank you for being on the show and better luck next time. As a consolation gift, you both get the special home-edition of “The Dating Game”! That’s right, “The Dating Game” home edition! Play “The Dating Game” yourself, in the comfort of your own home! Only $30.95! Buy it now! Now, will the losing bachelors please leave?
Pike and Sawma leave.
Tom: Now let’s introduce our bachelorette with her bachelor! Ivy, meet Genox!
The curtain or whatever it is that was preventing Ivy from seeing the bachelors is removed, so Genox and Ivy can see each other.
Ivy: You!
Genox: You’re the bachelorette?
Tom: It appears the two of them already know each other!
Ivy: He was one of the CIMA I defeated in the Gate World!
Genox: Well, you almost killed me!
Ivy: I’ll kill you now, Genox!
Tom: Woah, woah, calm down. Now, each of you signed a contract. You have to go on a date together.
Ivy: No way!
Genox: Same here!
Tom: Ah, come on, you two. Can’t a CIMA and a Gate Guardian get along?
Ivy: No!
Genox: Tom, you knew all of the bachelors were CIMA! And you knew she was a Gate Guardian! Why did you put us together?!
Tom: I was trying to make it interesting, hooking up a CIMA with a Gate Guardian...
Ivy: Well, it’s not interesting.
Genox: Yeah, no date.
Tom: Ha ha ha...you crazy kids, joking around all the time!
Ivy: We’re not joking.
Tom: (whispering to them) If you two don’t fulfill your contracts by going on the date, I’ll have you thrown in jail.
Ivy and Genox frown.
Tom: Great! Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s get them on their date, right away!
Tom: Hello everyone and welcome to...“The Dating Game”! I’m Tom Bradov, and I’ll be your host tonight! Now, we have three bachelors here, all waiting for a chance to date our lovely bachelorette! Let’s meet them now! They are...Pike Nighttrap!
Pike: Hello, Tom!
Tom: Genox!
Genox: I’ve always dreamed of being on this show!
Tom: And...Sawma!
Sawma: Remember that name, please!
Tom: Now, are you three all ready to be on “The Dating Game”?
Pike, Genox and Sawma: Yes!
Tom: Okay, now you three leave stage right while we bring on the bachelorette! None of you are allowed to catch a glimpse of her before we make the final date!
Pike, Genox and Sawma: Okay!
Pike, Genox and Sawma exit.
Tom: And here’s our lovely bachelorette...Ivy!
Ivy comes in, waving to the crowd.
Tom: Ivy, are you glad to be here?
Ivy: I sure am, Tom, I love this show!
Tom: Let’s hope you can find love on this show!
Ivy: I sure hope so! Are the bachelors cute?
Tom: (laughs) Well, you know the rules! You don’t get to see the bachelors or learn their names before you pick one of them to date!
Ivy: I know that, Tom. I just felt like asking anyway!
Tom: (laughs) Ivy, you are a card! Take your seat and we’ll bring the bachelors back in to sit in their seats and then we’ll get started, okay?
Ivy: Okay, Tom!
Tom: Okay! Everyone, take your seats!
Pike, Genox and Sawma come back in and take their seats while Ivy takes her seat. While this is happening, Tom whispers a tantalizing secret to the audience.
Tom: Ladies and gentlemen, I forgot to mention that our bachelorette Ivy here is a Gate Guardian! And this is important because all the bachelors are CIMA!
Audience: Ooooo...
Tom: Ooooo is right, friends! That should make the date very interesting, you agree?
Audience: (cheers)
Tom: But don’t let them know about it, okay?
Audience: Okay!
Tom: All right, bachelors, are you all ready in your seats?
Pike: We sure are, Tom!
Genox: I’m as ready as I’ll ever be!
Sawma: Let’s get this party started!
Tom: And bachelorette, are you ready in your seat?
Ivy: You bet, Tom!
Tom: Then let’s start...“THE DATING GAME”! First off, let’s let our contestants learn a little about each other! Bachelors, our bachelorette is a blue-haired beauty who has recently finished schooling! She likes hair ribbons, strong men and little children, while she doesn’t like kidnapping, crybabies and amateurs! Sounds good, right, bachelors?
Pike and Sawma nod. Genox grimaces.
Tom: Uh oh, I don’t think Bachelor Number Two likes the sound of that!
Audience: (laughs)
Tom: What don’t you like about that, Bachelor Number Two?
Genox: Well, I’m not so sure I can fill up to her strong man expectations!
Audience: (laughs)
Genox: I spend a lot of my time reading storybooks, not working out!
Tom: (laughs) You’re a funny man, Bachelor Number Two! Maybe that will be good enough for our bachelorette!
Genox: Oh, goody!
Tom: (laughs) Well, we’ll have to see! Now let’s talk about Bachelor Number One. He’s a one-eyed rascal who enjoys bridges, flying, and majesties! He doesn’t like surfing, haircuts, or sneaky employees!
Pike: Don’t forget the guy who took my eye!
Tom: Yes, he also doesn’t like the person who took out his eye!
Audience: (laughs)
Tom: Bachelorette, how does that sound to you?
Ivy: Wait, you’re saying he’s missing an eye?
Everyone: (laughs)
Pike: I have an eyepatch to cover it up.
Ivy: Ooo, sounds piratey!
Everyone: (laughs)
Tom: Moving onto Bachelor Number Two...he’s got green, curly hair. He likes dragons, storybooks and making up difficult puzzles! He doesn’t like pine trees, ninjas, and cheaters! Let’s hope he’s not inclined to start cheating today!
Genox: (mischievously) I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind cheating and sneaking a look at the bachelorette...
Tom: (laughs) I think all the bachelors would like that, right?
Pike, Genox and Sawma: (nodding) Uh huh!
Audience: (laughs)
Tom: And our last bachelor is fighting man, who also has an eye that doesn’t work so well!
Ivy: Does he have an eyepatch, too?
Tom: No, he has a big scar going down the side of his face.
Ivy: Uh oh!
Tom: (laughs) He likes working out, using knives and the color white! He doesn’t like ballet, spiders, and wimps! Uh oh, this might be a problem, eh, Bachelor Number Two?
Genox: I sure hope it won’t be!
Audience: (laughs)
Tom: Okay, let’s get this game going! Bachelorette, please start asking some questions!
Ivy: Okay, Bachelor Number One, you said you had an eyepatch. Give me your best pirate impersonation!
Pike: Yar, give me yer booty, or I’ll kee-haul the lot of you!
Audience: (cheers)
Ivy: Bachelor Number Two, you said you liked reading books. If someone wrote a book about your life, what would it be called?
Genox: Um, “Green Hair, Floating Dreams”.
Ivy: Why would it be called that?
Genox: I don’t know!
Ivy: (laughs) Bachelor Number Three, if you could be a type of dip, what would you be and why?
Sawma: Well, gee, I don’t know it’s like to be a dip!
Audience: (laughs)
Sawma: But I guess I would have to go with hot sauce, because I’m hot and strong.
Audience: Oooooo!
Ivy: Whew, you’re making me burn up over here! Bachelor Number One, first off, I want to say I loved your pirate impersonation.
Pike: Yar!
Ivy: (laughs) If you were a teacher, what subject would you teach?
Pike: Actually, I do a little bit of combat teaching whenever I have to.
Ivy: Oh, that’s interesting. Maybe you could teach me a thing or two about fighting. Now, Bachelor Number Two, you seem more like a bookworm than a fighter. What would you do if you got in a fight with Bachelor Number One?
Pike: Lose, of course!
Audience: (laughs)
Genox: Let’s see...I’d probably...drop a book on his head!
Audience: (cheers)
Ivy: Sounds good to me! Bachelor Number Three, would you rather have a pet elephant or a pet gorilla?
Sawma: A gorilla!
Ivy: Why?
Genox: Because he looks like a gorilla!
Audience: (laughs)
Sawma: (impersonates a gorilla)
Ivy: (laughing) That’s great!
Tom: Okay, bachelorette, we’re down to the last three questions.
Ivy: Already?
Tom: Yes, three bachelors, three questions each.
Ivy: Fine. Bachelor Number One, if you took me out for pizza, what kind of pizza would you order?
Pike: Um, probably cheese...pepperoni...and extra pineapple.
Ivy: Pineapple?
Pike: Hey, fruit prevents scurvy!
Audience: (silence)
Ivy: Um...okay. Bachelor Number Two, if you could vacation in a foreign country, which one would it be?
Genox: Belganaf!
Ivy: That’s on Eenurd Continent, right?
Genox: Yeah, I’ve always wanted to go to Belganaf and see Miffibun, Hordanof and especially Scintilian.
Ivy: Sounds interesting. Bachelor Number Three, do you prefer chunky or smooth peanut butter?
Sawma: Smooth, definitely the smooth. I’m a smooth fellow.
Ivy: Hoo boy.
Tom: All right, you’ve interviewed our three bachelors. Which one do you want to date?
Ivy: Well, where would we go on a date?
Tom: I’m glad you asked, because the two of you are...GOING TO LA MUY EXPENSIVO RESTAURANTE!
Audience: Oooo!
Tom: It’s the fanciest Mexican food themed restaurant in the area. Now, which bachelor is going to go with you?
Ivy: I’ll have to go with...Bachelor Number Two!
Audience: (cheers)
Genox: Yes!
Tom: Before the two of you meet, why didn’t you pick the other bachelors?
Ivy: Well, I loved Bachelor Number One’s pirate thing, but he took it too far.
Pike: Yeah, I did take it too far...
Ivy: And Bachelor Number Three’s line about the smooth peanut butter was the dumbest line I’ve ever heard.
Tom: Sounds good. Bachelors One and Three, well, thank you for being on the show and better luck next time. As a consolation gift, you both get the special home-edition of “The Dating Game”! That’s right, “The Dating Game” home edition! Play “The Dating Game” yourself, in the comfort of your own home! Only $30.95! Buy it now! Now, will the losing bachelors please leave?
Pike and Sawma leave.
Tom: Now let’s introduce our bachelorette with her bachelor! Ivy, meet Genox!
The curtain or whatever it is that was preventing Ivy from seeing the bachelors is removed, so Genox and Ivy can see each other.
Ivy: You!
Genox: You’re the bachelorette?
Tom: It appears the two of them already know each other!
Ivy: He was one of the CIMA I defeated in the Gate World!
Genox: Well, you almost killed me!
Ivy: I’ll kill you now, Genox!
Tom: Woah, woah, calm down. Now, each of you signed a contract. You have to go on a date together.
Ivy: No way!
Genox: Same here!
Tom: Ah, come on, you two. Can’t a CIMA and a Gate Guardian get along?
Ivy: No!
Genox: Tom, you knew all of the bachelors were CIMA! And you knew she was a Gate Guardian! Why did you put us together?!
Tom: I was trying to make it interesting, hooking up a CIMA with a Gate Guardian...
Ivy: Well, it’s not interesting.
Genox: Yeah, no date.
Tom: Ha ha ha...you crazy kids, joking around all the time!
Ivy: We’re not joking.
Tom: (whispering to them) If you two don’t fulfill your contracts by going on the date, I’ll have you thrown in jail.
Ivy and Genox frown.
Tom: Great! Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s get them on their date, right away!